New Age Love Laws

You know that new relationship feeling, when everything is candles, flowers, roses and unicorns? I call that danger zone! That's when your judgement is clouded, control that unicorn doing somersaults inside your stomach. There is no golden medal for highest jump. It's all fine and well when you're getting to know the person and you like the idea of them, and you see potential. Lol some aunties have even already started planning their wedding by date 3!
Aunty please steady yourself.

That person you first met, him there taking you on dates, talks to you every minute of everyday, pouring into your eardrums every bit of sweet recycled honey-(yes recycled! Coz he's probably Used those same lines on his last chick) - yes him boo boo kitty he is not the man that will come pick you up when you've finished shoki'ing with your girlfriends until dawn breaks, and your false lashes are hanging for dear life. To be honest if he is you are a lucky chicka. That person we first talk to and begin to fall for is nothing but a mere illusion, as women we see what we want to see. We focus on the things about this guy that ticks in our very losing list of requirements.

"Ooh girl, 

1. He can dress 
2. He drives--- an AUDI? That's that double tick!!! Matter of fact 3!!!
3. He pays when we go out
4. He knows when and how to compliment me
5. Lets not forget he is 6ft plus!"

Aunty please steady yourself!

Will his dress sense raise your children?
Will his car drive you him and your children into the gates of heaven? (Probably a rental anyway!)
Can you not pay for yourself? What if his money now suddenly disappear, where will you turn?
Will compliments feed your offsprings? Nkechi and Amaka will need school supplies remember! 
He is 6ft but does he pray? Does his height allow him to be closer to God?
What of the things that really matter? Patience, ambition, focus, faithfulness...etc.
Train your mind and your eyes to open themselves to the things past surface, only then will you be able to recognise the true potential of the man you are getting to know.

And please if the real purpose of getting to know this person is to eventually build a foundation that may eventually lead to a committed relationship, please sisters delay sex! And brothers please do not tempt her. She is human after all. Hmmm wonder how often we hear this....... But it is the truth because sex clouds judgement of who that person really is and then six months down the line when you already don' bussed it wide open you wonder if you really like this person....my friend GERRARA HEA! On a serious note if that early part of the "getting to know you stage" is not done properly, it's going to be nothing but a train wreck from there onwards. It's sad because this is the generation we're part of, we have no patience for the better things, and commitment is disesteemed. Reason why sexationship, and situationships exist. Because women are scared to voice their want of commitment, and then end up in these situationships in which majority of the time works in favour of the man. Later on one person will grow attached or "catch feelings" and then there's an issue because wait hold on, that wasn't the arrangement. Now I cannot judge or speak for the ladies/men who both want nothing more than to satisfy their ermmm...."needs" but I speak for those who think like me and do not believe in just "being casual" because we believe there is something just so eternally beautiful about two people wanting and yearning for the other. Just imagine it that person, wants you, nobody else, you are their first thought in the morning, and their last thought at night, your well-being and happiness is what they strive for. Just picture it. Yes I do live in my own bubble and I do believe that that sort of love exists.

On a lighter note so ermmmm Bruce Jenner is now Caitlin Jenner....... And Kim k. Is carrying another sprog for the love of human sanity CBA with another kardashian/West in this world that shxt is so jarring!!!!! Don't get me wrong little satellite navigator is cute but lawwwddd can we just breathe!
Wonder how they explained that one to the lil compass,

"Hey south-west, you don't have a grandad anymore, meet your second grandma"

This man of mine

Let me tell you about this man of mine...

He radiates masculinity! His head full of hair slides down the sides of his near perfect face and meets that oh so defined jawline. So you know our kids head gon' be full right?  He talks about the future with me because he sure knows what he wants from tomorrow, and, and, and he assures me every damn time that as long as I'm by HIS side.....that's the beginning of forever. He's not uncomfortable planning our tomorrow, oh no! and neither is he nervous to share his fears with me, coz he knows any good man needs the support of a good woman! 

He's not so busy trying to be successful, that he forgets to spend time with me, coz he knows every successful man needs a place to rest his head every now and again.

Mornings without fail he finds different ways to remind me that his world wouldn't be the same without ME! Hell, my world would come crashing down like total decimation.

Oh no he doesn't just talk he communicates, and the very words he utters from his lips....are pure ardour. I find myself holding my head up with one hand when he talks because I'm soooooo drawn in to every word he speaks, but mostly I'm staring at his lips and wondering "what those lips do though".

I crave him from the sole of his feet to the crown of his head right on through to his soul. 

Damn this man can get on my nervesssss! But you know it never lasts, cos' he'll put those lips on me oh so forcefully, I have no choice but to melt right back into his arms where he wants me.

He never thinks twice about apologising when he's in the wrong or humbling himself when we disagree, for he knows the mere essence of our bond and friendship holds more importance than his pride.

Now let's see how do I describe how he makes me feel....he makes me feel like for once in my life I don't have to try so hard to be happy, it just happens. I remember the first time he leaned in to kiss me I could swear no force of nature on earth or otherwise could stop the trembling in my heart and the butterflies in my stomach. Now imagine that.....every minute of everyday, 365 days a year! Yeah that's how he makes me feel. 

See now I don't kiss and tell but this lover of mine, is thorough. His every kiss, touch and caress is strategically placed. From the way he grips my hair when we get into it, the way he bites my neck, the way he latches onto my thighs to the way he strokes.......my hair! In that moment I surrender all control and render myself helpless, purposefully.

I could carry on but as I said I don't kiss and tell. So for the kindness is his smile, the warmth in his arms, the love in his heart and the passion in his soul.... He is MY man.

Exoh...

Perfection affair of the soul

There's no shortcut or golden ticket to perfection. And to be brutally honest, "perfection" is impossible. Where do people get off believing that, big breasts, small waist, never ending legs, bubble butts, hazel eyes, naturally bouncy curly hair and a fair complexion are the definition of beauty? Oh and God forbid you have cellulite or stretch marks! If that is the case I am one ugly goblin! Because according to that mentally to be beautiful I need to be anything or anybody but myself. Because I'm 5"4 (hence the name of my blog..get it. ;)...) so never ending legs that's a big fat No. I'm west African, the sun made me dark as midnight, my hair is unmanageable I can't run from cellulite and stretch marks and to top it all off I have insecurities about pretty much every inch of my body. But the funny thing is I wouldn't have it any other way.

I am one of those people, I adore food! And I'm incredibly lazy! BAD COMBINATION!!! I can eat for England, but put me in the gym no matter how hard I try I'll knock out in 20 mins flat, like I've just gone 10 rounds with MikeTyson. It's a serious issue I'm trying to deal with! (I'm dying of laughter at the thought of that fight between myself and Mike Tyson)

A friend of mine naturally slim petite, size 6, recently started noticing cellulite and stretch marks on her body. MAJOR FREAK OUT!!! So much so that she is being teased about it. But then I look at myself and stretch marks and cellulite have been apparent since I reached puberty, to me they are absolutely normal. They are a part of ME!

In my twenties, I've noticed a lot people around my age bracket feel the need to keep up with trends, whether it be fashion, make up, the opposite sex, it's almost like a competition. What ever happened to just living? How do we ever keep up? The truth is its impossible! We're stuck in a whirlwind of spending money on material things. The most expensive fashion items, implants, surgery, but all for what? Does it ever end? So we are all wedged pretending that we care about any of that stuff. But there's no happiness in any of it because as soon as you have one you want the other. India Arie came up with a conclusion; it’s all an illusion, confusion is  the name of the game a misconception, and a vast deception. 

There is no way I will allow my younger sister or my daughter to believe that her worth is defined by what she looks like or how expensive her clothes are. Because a lady is not what she wears but what she knows. Your looks can get you anywhere but it's what comes out of your mouth, and what your soul project that will sustain you. Beauty fades substance stays. 

It's easy to look at yourself and notice everything that you don't like about yourself. But more of us should learn to look in the mirror and realise that our maker didn't make a single mistake.

Beauty and perfection are nothing but words, their definition is nothing but subjective. The person you allow yourself to be creates the definition of perfect, and the way you carry yourself brings meaning to what beauty means to you.
Young women, realise, once you are comfortable in your own skin what you do or don't own doesn't run your life as much as your spoken words and actions. Don't go believing that you must look a certain way or have certain things to be beautiful. With time we all learn to accept we are individually flawless, flaws an' all.

I'm imperfectly perfect!
(No seriously, LOL!)

And on that note peace love and all that good stuff, Live, Love, Laugh.

After a while (you learn)

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding

a hand and chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning 

and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses are not contract, 

and presents aren't promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead...

With the grace if a woman not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns 

if you get too much...

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul... 

Instead of waiting for someone to brings you flowers. 

And you learn that you really can endure... 

You really are strong, you really do have worth. 

And you learn, and you learn, 

with very goodbye,

You learn...

        

                                                              V.A.S.

Happy Singles Awareness Day!

Happy Singles Awareness Day!

All shades of black (light skin vs dark skin)

If you have a twitter account, you will be aware of the ongoing twitter "beef" between the 2 shades of the SAME DAMN COLOUR!! Why? Because we are still stuck with this I must say disgusting mentality that states that "lighter is better".
For the love of all things Holy!!! We are one colour just different shades.
I saw a tweet that frankly pissed me off.
How can one mixed race girl have the confidence to say;

"Dark skin bitches are hating because if we were still in slavery times I'd be a maid in the house and you'd be stuck in the fields" 

Now I don't partake in arguments online or otherwise however I was so baffled and offended at the sheer audacity of that tweet I felt the need to reply with something witty. I thought long and hard about this because as much as I try to be I'm always that girl that thinks of witty come backs AFTER the argument is over and I'll be in the mirror trying out different ways to portray attitude. LOL!
So after rewording this God knows how many times I came up with this;

"If we were still in slavery times you would be a child of rape and your father wouldn't acknowledge your existence."  BOOM!

Say what you will, harsh? Maybe so. But just to show how much I hate confrontations or arguments, here's what I did next...blocked her! LOL! Call me what you may, possibly rhymes with "ussey" (yeah I'm pretty crap at rhymes) and its another word for cat.
Went off on a little rant there , anyway what I'm getting at is this right; why do we give others the satisfaction of watching us destroy and belittle each other. When have you ever heard or seen indians fight over which skin tone is more beautiful? Hispanics don't fight over whether Mexican spanish or puerto rican spanish is better (that might be a bad comparison but you get my drift).
Fact of the matter is beauty is in the eye of the beholder. How you present yourself is how people will take you. Us black women are past the dooms era when finding make up to match your skin tone was a chore. .........And queue bad Destiny's Child picture

I mean lets analyse how bad the make up is here... HOW is it possible that Beyonce with her caramel body has a face as white as a ghost and the other girls who are supposed to be chocolate are coming like overcooked and forgotten plantain?
Make no mistake I am a day one Destiny's Child fan (I mean REUNION anybody?....no?...anybody) however!!! The girls (well Kelly and Bey) look better now than they EVER did before. I know theres the whole malarky that Queen Bey has found the fountain of life which turns chocolate into milk (bleached) hmmm...that's a whole other posts I don't fancy getting into as of yet.

Different skin tones both amazingly beautiful in their own right.

Back to my original point, it is 2014 present yourself in a way that will not allow a soul to speak ill of your appearance that means foundation that matches your skin tone, I know we can now experiment with lipstick and eyeshadow colours and shades but don't come looking like krusty the clown. And if your team natural that's cool too nothing more beautiful than a beautiful black woman confident in her skin, but that does not give you the right to look down on us plastic fantastics. Aha!

Fact of the matter is black is beautiful no matter the shade. In the words of Wale and Chrisette Michele;

"From a light skin girl to a dark skin brother shade doesn't matter..."

It really doesn't. On that note peace love and all that good stuff...live love laugh

a letter to my unborn daughter.... part 1

To think I'm writing this, in 2014 who knows when I'm going to meet you, most importantly when will you be old enough to understand the messages in this letter from your mother.
Whilst I'm overly busy making my own mistakes, know that by the time I call you my own I promise to have it together....to the best of my ability.

I make it a promise to;

• Be your mother not your friend

During your lifetime you will come across more than enough friends, they will come and they will go, and that's what sets me apart, because I will be there when the going gets tough. Don't get it twisted now I'm gonna be your best friend but my job goes beyond the friendship we will share, the determination to keep you safe from harm from the moment you were in my belly will forever be alive.

• To be your rock

The world is a harsh place at times, and you can always count on my shoulder to cry on when it gets too much. Best believe I will bust a cap in somebody's lip if they hurt MY baby, but baby girl as you grow older and the problems become bigger than "he stole my favourite pencil" I will grow out of strength but you can rely on me for the best advice, you may not like it at times, heck you'll probably dislike me for it but I refuse to sugar coat it for you as much as that may hurt me.

• Always be truthful with you

"The truth will set you free" never underestimate the truth behind that quote. I can't say I love you but then lie to you. That is hypocritical! It will hurt at times but that's life the truth will knock you down but it will set you free. I will teach you to also be truthful and if I don't teach you anything but you remember to always tell the truth and love hard then my job is done.

• Love you madly,deeply, unconditionally.

I will be your greatest support, through your every plans and dreams but my love will warn you when these plans lead down an unrighteous path. Hopefully as you grow and mature into the beautiful woman I pray you become,  you will portray to the world this love that will have wrapped you up your whole life.......

Tbc