Perfection affair of the soul

There's no shortcut or golden ticket to perfection. And to be brutally honest, "perfection" is impossible. Where do people get off believing that, big breasts, small waist, never ending legs, bubble butts, hazel eyes, naturally bouncy curly hair and a fair complexion are the definition of beauty? Oh and God forbid you have cellulite or stretch marks! If that is the case I am one ugly goblin! Because according to that mentally to be beautiful I need to be anything or anybody but myself. Because I'm 5"4 (hence the name of my blog..get it. ;)...) so never ending legs that's a big fat No. I'm west African, the sun made me dark as midnight, my hair is unmanageable I can't run from cellulite and stretch marks and to top it all off I have insecurities about pretty much every inch of my body. But the funny thing is I wouldn't have it any other way.

I am one of those people, I adore food! And I'm incredibly lazy! BAD COMBINATION!!! I can eat for England, but put me in the gym no matter how hard I try I'll knock out in 20 mins flat, like I've just gone 10 rounds with MikeTyson. It's a serious issue I'm trying to deal with! (I'm dying of laughter at the thought of that fight between myself and Mike Tyson)

A friend of mine naturally slim petite, size 6, recently started noticing cellulite and stretch marks on her body. MAJOR FREAK OUT!!! So much so that she is being teased about it. But then I look at myself and stretch marks and cellulite have been apparent since I reached puberty, to me they are absolutely normal. They are a part of ME!

In my twenties, I've noticed a lot people around my age bracket feel the need to keep up with trends, whether it be fashion, make up, the opposite sex, it's almost like a competition. What ever happened to just living? How do we ever keep up? The truth is its impossible! We're stuck in a whirlwind of spending money on material things. The most expensive fashion items, implants, surgery, but all for what? Does it ever end? So we are all wedged pretending that we care about any of that stuff. But there's no happiness in any of it because as soon as you have one you want the other. India Arie came up with a conclusion; it’s all an illusion, confusion is  the name of the game a misconception, and a vast deception. 

There is no way I will allow my younger sister or my daughter to believe that her worth is defined by what she looks like or how expensive her clothes are. Because a lady is not what she wears but what she knows. Your looks can get you anywhere but it's what comes out of your mouth, and what your soul project that will sustain you. Beauty fades substance stays. 

It's easy to look at yourself and notice everything that you don't like about yourself. But more of us should learn to look in the mirror and realise that our maker didn't make a single mistake.

Beauty and perfection are nothing but words, their definition is nothing but subjective. The person you allow yourself to be creates the definition of perfect, and the way you carry yourself brings meaning to what beauty means to you.
Young women, realise, once you are comfortable in your own skin what you do or don't own doesn't run your life as much as your spoken words and actions. Don't go believing that you must look a certain way or have certain things to be beautiful. With time we all learn to accept we are individually flawless, flaws an' all.

I'm imperfectly perfect!
(No seriously, LOL!)

And on that note peace love and all that good stuff, Live, Love, Laugh.

After a while (you learn)

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding

a hand and chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning 

and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses are not contract, 

and presents aren't promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead...

With the grace if a woman not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns 

if you get too much...

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul... 

Instead of waiting for someone to brings you flowers. 

And you learn that you really can endure... 

You really are strong, you really do have worth. 

And you learn, and you learn, 

with very goodbye,

You learn...

        

                                                              V.A.S.

a letter to my unborn daughter.... part 1

To think I'm writing this, in 2014 who knows when I'm going to meet you, most importantly when will you be old enough to understand the messages in this letter from your mother.
Whilst I'm overly busy making my own mistakes, know that by the time I call you my own I promise to have it together....to the best of my ability.

I make it a promise to;

• Be your mother not your friend

During your lifetime you will come across more than enough friends, they will come and they will go, and that's what sets me apart, because I will be there when the going gets tough. Don't get it twisted now I'm gonna be your best friend but my job goes beyond the friendship we will share, the determination to keep you safe from harm from the moment you were in my belly will forever be alive.

• To be your rock

The world is a harsh place at times, and you can always count on my shoulder to cry on when it gets too much. Best believe I will bust a cap in somebody's lip if they hurt MY baby, but baby girl as you grow older and the problems become bigger than "he stole my favourite pencil" I will grow out of strength but you can rely on me for the best advice, you may not like it at times, heck you'll probably dislike me for it but I refuse to sugar coat it for you as much as that may hurt me.

• Always be truthful with you

"The truth will set you free" never underestimate the truth behind that quote. I can't say I love you but then lie to you. That is hypocritical! It will hurt at times but that's life the truth will knock you down but it will set you free. I will teach you to also be truthful and if I don't teach you anything but you remember to always tell the truth and love hard then my job is done.

• Love you madly,deeply, unconditionally.

I will be your greatest support, through your every plans and dreams but my love will warn you when these plans lead down an unrighteous path. Hopefully as you grow and mature into the beautiful woman I pray you become,  you will portray to the world this love that will have wrapped you up your whole life.......

Tbc

Exposed

Just when I think its over, you come back without a warning.
I swear you must have a radar.
A warning system, a red light that does not disarm until you
Throw me off balance.

Achilles heels, my kryptonite, my affliction

I'm addicted and so far in over my head.
Its a catch 22 that you've got me in.
This complicated situation characterised by utter senselessness.

We're very circumstancial,
In different circumstances I realise we're looking for different things.
Different things that lead us to different outcomes.

Constantly attempting to visualise how to make you feel
This thing that I feel, but my vision is blurred.

Yet I know I'm challenging my virtue, my sanity, and my pride every time
I let you walk back into my life.
Yet it still doesn't surpass those moments of joy.
When I'm with you I'm a brainless version of myself.
I'm lost in what I think feels like love.
Infatuation to the rest.

My mind is gone and I struggle to make sense of reality;
-In which for those few hours you're mine and I belong to you wholeheartedly.
Your every kiss fills my soul with the emotions I wish you could feel
And I simply cannot bear the thought of having to let you go-
Well it's simply more exhilarating than "we're just friends".

I want it all back.
I want the confidence to kiss you and not have you flinch in public.
I want the long lie-ins, where my head rests still on your perfectly defined chest,
Listening to the rythm of your heartbeat...
Stroking the shape of the squares that lay on your abdomen.
The moments when I'd kneel besides you doughey eyes, and you'd instantly know
My train of thoughts, in which your lips would wrestle mine so effortlessly.

So I wonder because this time well...I had nothing to do with it.
So once again I stripped myself laid it all in front you, defenseless and exposed,
Insecurities, feelings, body, mind and soul.

You keep me on my toes. I hate that shit.
You constantly keep me in suspense, I never know what to expect.
Every moment differs.
Never a dull moment. I love that shit.

I hate how you're aware of the hold you have over me,
You know that nobody does it for me like you.
And you know just how to use it to your every advantage
But it's a thin line between love and hate
And you make me so weak,
You make it so hard for me to keep my composure.

So when my heart breaks one more time I'll only have myself to blame

Exhale!

Lifted

She said so long Mr time waster,
She said so long Mr empty promises,
Goodbye Mr let's see where this ends
Because she got sick of it
Sick! Sick! Sick! So sick she got tired.
Sick and tired.
Kisses so fiery her lips burned everytime.
Alas, a kiss never was a promise of a future.

So she made a turn,
Made herself a promise
The promise to settle for nothing less than extraordinary.
After all who else can she rely on but, herself?
So she closed her eyes and put it to the Universe.

A gentle poke, a touch that felt so right,
Her mind at ease,
And there he stood in all his flawlessness,
A breathtaking reflection of God's love for her-true love.
Suddenly there's that extra spring in her walk,
Confidently her head is in the clouds.

She couldn't leave if she wanted to.
She'd have to think again, think twice.
Because finally she's been introduced to;
Confidence.

Yes he lifts her up
Yes he listens to her
Relaxes her every nerve
Puts her above the stars
The centre of his world.

Never would she have imagined, ever that a love so strong,
Would lift her up in this way.
Of course she could only ever say,
Yes!

So here I am
In front of this crowd, stood here;
Worth a million dollars
Draped in lace
A cape like trail, fit for royalty
Worthy of a queen.

What else matters?
In this moment?

nothing!

Dedication to the epitome of Beauty

She seems so peaceful

She stands and stares so peaceful

None could fathom the journey that led to this moment

Moment so peaceful

She moves with grace Nwentoma-kente fabric- 

Contouring her voluptious form, covered in so much colour

True definition of utter brilliance 

True definition of splendour
Epitome of beauty

The beauty that does not fade
Have you not heard?
Black simply does not crack
Black, she wears it so well,
Does it so well
The metaphysical dilemma of being black
She's mastered and conquered so well

Beyond eternal will be her legacy

Humble, she's dedicated her life to a lifetime of nurturing.
Mothering.
Clueless of the joy she diffuses
A woman so faithful, prayerful
Worthy of praise.

So she goes about her business
Ever so peaceful
She stands again, this time she admires with a great beam
That spreads accross her glorious face
With a twinkle in her eye
She stands with pride
Clothed with accomplishments of a woman, opens up her arms and
Embosoms' her four rascals.

As if they were once again in her womb to carry, protect and care for.
A moment so peaceful.

                                                                                       
                                                                                         Á maman Antoinette je t'aime,
                                                                                                                                  Mabelle xo